Eulogy by Ellen Shapiro (click here for video)
First, I want to thank the speakers who so eloquently captured the Dan Shapiro we all admired and loved… my gratitude to you, especially to my three sons, Jon, Andrew & Peter, and to my beloved 14-year-old granddaughter, Eliza (I’m sure you’ll agree that it is a challenge for a young teen to speak before hundreds of people when her heart feels broken). I am blessed with the most amazing family that anyone could have. So many people have told me this and it is absolutely true!
Then a heartfelt thank you to all of you here in New York -- and in London, our adopted home. From the minute you heard of our shocking loss, you flooded the boys and me with such attention. Those first six days in London, I was never alone …and here I have you.
Your countless and extraordinary expressions of admiration for Dan, and your many stories of how he affected your lives, constantly bring tears to my eyes but nevertheless make me feel so much better. Listen to what one former Schulte associate wrote to Andrew: “Your Dad treated freshmen lawyers so well. He didn't have to flex his intellect. If you drew an assignment with him you considered yourself lucky because you would learn from the best, and because he would treat you with respect.” On a similar note, a secretary with 25 years experience at the firm told me she never heard Dan raise his voice—which she said was highly unusual working with lawyers around the clock!
But it is essential at this moment that I speak directly to my seven grandchildren. To Eliza, whom you have met; to William her 10-year-old brother, an accomplished chef writing a cookbook; to Roxy who is ten today – how poignant that she claims another year on the day of her Poppy’s funeral; to fun-loving Journey, who is 8 and already a young lady; to Simon who is 6 and made Poppy snow desserts in Deer Valley; to Jasper, our do-anything dapper guy; and to Charlotte, who is 5 and could beat Poppy at Go-Fish --most of the time! An acquaintance wrote me that at his first meeting with Dan - he’d come to see our photography collection in London - he decided that Dan’s real passion was these grandkids.... "Dan’s eyes lit up in describing them,” he said, “and, accordingly, he lit up the room."
My darling grandchildren, Poppy’s love was unconditional. He adored you and I know you adored him. Please never forget the thumb-wrestling and the squeezy hugs he gave, the hand-holding, and the lessons on how to make a Poppy “pop.” (I still can’t do it!) Thank goodness our family of 14 had that holiday in Deer Valley just three weeks ago.
When Eliza was born, Dan told me he hoped he might see her walk down the aisle one day. Well, perhaps that was unlikely, but dear Eliza, he will be there … in your heart and in mine. In fact, I can promise you each, Eliza, William, Roxy, Journey, Simon, Jasper, and Charlotte that Poppy will live in your hearts forever. He was the best and he is the best in each of you!
And now, dearest Dan, I want to give you the goodbye that we never shared. We had a normal day that Thursday -- you, a day at the office where, not unusually, you spoke with each of the boys (you related proudly that you were able to very positively restructure a contract for Peter, our music promoter son). I made your favorite dinner of lamb chops and we went to the theater, where you laughed a lot and, surprisingly, didn’t fall asleep… as you sometimes do. We loved the show so much that you wanted to Google the actress to see what else she’d been in. But instead, when we got home you said you wanted to be in the sun ”next week”… so I went on the internet and booked us four days in Mallorca.
Dan, we are supposed to be in Mallorca now!
Who would have guessed? And in 10 days from now we are supposed to be with Jan and David in Rome. It’s not hard to see why we loved London…after all, we could be anywhere in Europe for the weekend.
We went to bed that Thursday night and I never saw you alive again. The next day there were, thankfully, friends who would not leave my side until I was able to bring you home. I didn’t know there could be so much support, but they were really there in tribute to you.
It all seems so unfair … on the other hand, I know I got the lucky card. We met through a mutual friend of our mothers’ and we had 53 years of a love affair and 52 years of marriage. It was a marriage full of respect. We simply didn’t argue… There was a bit of criticism, mostly from me regarding leaving the toilet seat up and cookie crumbs on the kitchen floor (and more recently, “please sit up straight,” which you just wouldn’t do), but never a bitter word from Dan Shapiro.
So now it is a sort of goodbye. But not really… because you will be with me every single day of my life. And I am with you!
I conclude with the fulfillment of my promise -- the one you always made me commit to when we listened in the car to the CD of the musical, GHOST. If that weren’t enough I found your hand-written note appended to our copy of your will that said: “When I die, I want 2-3 songs from GHOST played at my funeral.” You have already heard Unchained Melody. Now this one, called “With You,” is from me… to you, Dan.
Celebrating a Life Well Lived